No, my title is not an exaggeration. You may remember the second most awkward situation of my life but this story I am about to share truly is the most awkward situation of my life to date. Enjoy.
This summer I got a part time job at a church working at the daycare. It was a really fun job! I enjoyed the women that I worked with and the kids were great, of course!
At this particular place we were required to wear scrubs however it was only my second week and they were ordering my scrubs with the church name embroidered on the tops so I was just wearing regular clothes.
Because it was only my second week I was observing with another teacher. Well, there was a child in the class that had to go to the bathroom. Come to find out, this child has to go to the bathroom all the time!
I took him down the hall to the bathrooms and waited...and waited...and waited...
Finally, I decided to ask if he was ok. No reply. So, I poked my head in to see little feet standing facing the toilet and pants on the floor beside the toilet...NOT GOOD!
Let me say, this child is definitely old enough to go to the bathroom by theirself. Maybe a little assistance is needed when attempting to reach the sink to wash hands but other than that they should be good to go.
Back to the story, I ventured in to see that not only had he removed his shorts but also his underwear as he had partially pooped in his underwear. Also, he had missed the toilet to an extent and there was evidence on the toilet seat, his hands, the stall wall, pretty much everywhere...
Well, because the assisstant director's office was right across the hall I darted over to ask for some help but she wasn't there...So, now what to do...
I certainly could not leave the half naked bewildered child alone to search out some help or to find extra clothes. He was obviously confused and a little unsure of my handling the situation since I was a new teacher.
I decided my only option was to go back in and attempt to clean the mess as best as possible and move on from there.
This is where it gets interesting...
As I turn around to go back into the men's bathroom there is a man dressed in religious garb standing at the door. I notice that he must have to use the restroom but I tell him that I there is poop everywhere and a child and I'll go remove both quickly so that he can come in.
As I am walking in he too walks in behind me saying, "Oh, I'm a big boy. It won't bother me."
He must just be coming in to wait while I clean up and hey, maybe even help!
Wrong. As I enter the poop-covered stall with the bewildered child I hear the unzipping of pants followed by urinating.
Yes, THE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH WAS USING THE URINAL WHILE I WAS IN THERE!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I WANTED TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, here I am wiping poop off of the bathroom stall, toilet, floor, child while the stall door is open (because there is no way it will close with me & the confused child both in there) and the pastor is peeing in the next urinal over.
Thankfully, the stall was beside the urinal so there was no way I could see anything! As we were, he began to strike up a conversation.
"What?! Is this really happening? How do I escape? What is he thinking?"....
Why, he is proceeding to tell us a story about how he pooped his pants when he was 7 and he bet the little boy wasn't even 7 yet, so no need to feel bad...
Then, another teacher knocks on the door to make sure there are no men in there so she can send her little boys in there. No reply was given by the male who was in the male restroom so I say, "Just a minute" with exasperation and total mortification!
A couple moments later I hear him finally leave and I quickly gather up the poopy cloths and half-naked child and make my quick escape.
How lovely that there were two teachers, who I didn't know as I was the "new employee", standing there to witness the pastor exiting the restroom followed by me and this dirty child.
Yes, I truly wanted to die. Total embarrassment.
I returned to the classroom swiftly and told the teacher what had just occurred. Needless to say, she was speechless. I didn't know what to do and she suggested I let the director know just in case it came up.
I did and she died laughing, thankfully. But then she thought it was so hilarious that she would share the tale. And before long everyone knew. Great!
Come to find out he thought I was the child's parent, but how this makes the situation any better or any more justified, I don't know.
At the end of the day, the director asked me to please come back and I hesitantly said I would although I did let her know that I would never be able to see him. Ever. For all of eternity. Never can see him again!
Thankfully, the job this summer turned out great and I really never saw him again! But oh, I will never forget...