People have asked me if it's weird being a mom. I usually just say no and really that's the truth. In all honesty, I hadn't had much time to think about "how I'm a mom now" because as soon as that baby is born your body and brain take over. You immediately feed your baby, you can't sleep, when you do sleep you're immediately woken up by their slightest, even silent, movements. You're consumed. There's not much time to think about your new title. To reflect on its magnitude.
But now my sweet baby boy is 10 weeks and life is gaining some normalcy. Granted we now have a new normal but it's wonderful. We're all 3 starting to get some sleep, to develop a routine-ish and the healing process is almost complete. Physically and mentally, I'd say we've "recovered".
With these sweet days I have reflected on the fact that "I'm a mom now". It's kind of a title I feel unworthy to have. A mom? ME? A MOM?...I suppose it is kind of weird. In those first couple of weeks when I would try to think about how I was this tiny baby's mother I would get overwhelmed and cry and think, "How can I be a mom? I don't think I can do this." But guess what, you can and you do. I did it. Ha! I'm doing it every moment of every day.
When I look into Anderson's sweet blue eyes I see the way he looks at me. The way he smiles and the way he knows me. I am his ultimate comforter. I am his nutrition. I am his love. I am his world. I am his mother.
I am overwhelmed with the magnitude of what that means.
I know that I am overwhelmed with what that means because of what my mom means to me. She was my ultimate comforter, my nutrition, my love, my world. Now, that relationship has changed but she is still, and always will be, my mother. She is my friend, a source of comfort, advice and love.
Anderson certainly loves his Nonnie and she can give him a bottle, change his diaper and rock him to sleep but at the end of the day, it's me. He wants me, he needs me, he knows me, he loves me.
I am a mother.